Chapter 80: Of the sweet converse of Jesus with St. Peter and St. John the Apostle about loving Him

I BLESS You, and give thanks to You, O Lord Jesus, most gracious Lover of men, and most wise Teacher of babes, for Your sweet converse with holy Peter about love for You, and chiefly for Your thrice repeated question to him, and for Your courtesy in specially mentioning the name of his father, at which he himself may well have been astonished and rejoiced greatly. When speaking with him You did put to him one question only, namely, about the closeness of his love, saying to him: " Simon, son of John, love you Me more than these?"

I praise and glorify You, O most illustrious Jesus, for Your unspeakable gentleness and goodness in not reproaching holy Peter for the grievous sin which he had committed against You; and in choosing rather to rouse him to greater fervour by asking him about his love for You, which all the time You knew full well, but did wish to make known to his brethren who stood by. Further, You did thus make plain to the whole Church throughout the world in what high esteem, even after his fall, Peter's rank and holiness were to be held, and how unchanged was his place in Your love. And this You did lest some other fallen one, not remembering his own case, should think slightingly of one, with whom You, O Lord, did not disdain to converse so lovingly, and to sit down to meat.

I praise You, and greatly commend holy Peter Your Apostle, my pattern next after You, for his straight and outspoken answer to Your words. There was no presumption, no carelessness, in what he said; he did not put himself forward as excelling others in his love for You; thus teaching me and all men to be humble in our opinion of ourselves, to be cautious in our thoughts, to answer questions discreetly, and boldly and truthfully to confess the Christian faith no matter what men may say against it. Thrice (in honour of the Holy Trinity) did he repeat his answer; and because, moved by fear, he had thrice denied his Lord, so now, believing with his whole heart, and nothing doubting, he three times says: " I love You, I love You, I love You" What more could he say? " Yea, Lord, You know that I love You."

" Holy Peter, what say you if men who see not your heart believe not your words?" "I speak to my Lord, and cry out so that all may hear me, and with heart and lips boldly profess: * Lord, You know all things, You know that I love You. Lord, You have proved me, and known me: You have known my downsitting, in my denial of You; and You have known my uprising, in my bitter tears and true penitence. You have pardoned, O Lord, You have pardoned, my sin against You. For Your Holy Name's sake You have forgiven all my sins; sweet is Your mercy, and manifold are Your loving-kindnesses over all Your works from everlasting to everlasting, world without end.' "

I praise and glorify You, O most sweet Jesus, for Your faithful and loving commendation of Your lambs and of Your sheep to the care and pastoral charge of holy Peter, Your Apostle, who loved You so well, and was so dear to You, whom You did call from the catching of fish to the cure of souls, and to the government of all the Churches; from a boat to a Bishop's throne; from the use of miserable nets to a royal priesthood; from a poverty-stricken home to the office of Roman Pontiff, an office to which You did not prefer any of the Saints before him. For of Your great mercy, and of the bounty of Your grace alone, You did make choice of him to be, in Your Own holy stead, Your faithful and true Vicar, with full delegation of Your power over all churches and realms, not for the ill-treatment or injury of any young lamb or poor weak sheep committed to his care, but for the protection and comfort, for the edification and the safe-keeping of all the faithful, young and old, throughout the world.

Therefore with Your own Mouth You did carefully instruct Peter himself, and did lay the same command upon all other Bishops, saying: " Feed my lambs, feed my sheep, both great and small, both rich and poor; for I have redeemed them with My Own Blood. Remember, Peter, what you were before I called you from the ship to the dignity of an Apostle, and to what still greater honour and dignity by my special grace and mercy you have now been advanced in spite of your threefold denial. You have been made chief pastor and ruler of all the Churches, not for your own praise and honour, but in order that you may ever seek my glory and that of My Heavenly Father and of the Holy Ghost, and may keep in peace those entrusted to you."

I praise You, O most loving Jesus, for the gracious friendliness of Your discourse with holy Peter and holy John, who were endeared to You by ties of special love. By Your own example You did give to Peter (already well-instructed) strength to die upon his cross; but of John, the youth so dear to You, You did postpone the departure, in order that he might teach and might commit to writing the deeper and more essential mysteries of Holy Church; and with provident kindness You did long time preserve his life for the consolation of many of the faithful. When therefore Peter asked of You what John's end would be, You did briefly answer: '^I mean him to tarry thus in the body, in order that he may teach the whole Church, and may devote himself to the care of My Mother, whom from My Cross I commended to him. It is My Will that he live long, and commit to writing certain very deep things concerning My Divinity, My Incarnation, My Passion, and My Resurrection, things which he has seen with his own eyes, and heard often from My lips; and I will that he do this till such time as I shall come in person to him, and shall take him rejoicing to Myself. What is this to you, Peter? Follow you me: follow Me in bearing your cross for My sake; for great indeed is the honour that awaits you, that, namely, of suffering for My sake upon the cross a death like My Own."

When all these things had been said and quietly ordered, the bodily repast came to an end; but so need not the spiritual, which is better enjoyed by the way of devout meditation and prayer than by way of a lengthy recital.

I beseech You, therefore, O most loving Lord Jesus Christ, best of all Physicians of the fainting soul, that in all the changes and chances of this weary life on earth You would guide my steps aright upon the path which will bring me in the end to the kingdom of Your Glory in Heaven, Suffer me not to be puffed up with pride as I read or sing in Choir in the presence of my brethren, who are better men than I: as I study, or copy holy books for our convent, suffer me not to think much of myself, or to compare myself with men who are more learned than myself, or have been endowed by You with keener mental gifts: suffer me not in this way to lose, here upon earth the fruit of good works, and in the world to come my eternal reward with You in Heaven.

Keep me also, O Lord, when the blast of temptation is strong upon me, from losing my temper and being angry with my brethren: give me grace lovingly to bear with the peculiarities and the failings of others, and to make excuses for them as I should for myself, if those failings were my own; even as You, Lord, by long and often bearing with them, and by gently admonishing them to strive after greater perfection, did so excellently instruct Your disciples.

Give me grace to follow You and holy Peter along the way of the Cross, by patiently bearing toil of body and sorrow of heart, even unto death.

Of Your great mercy grant to me, an unworthy sinner, in company with holy Thomas, that outspoken and faithful Apostle, mentally to touch and handle Your most sacred Wounds, and to meditate thereon daily at Mass, in my cell, at table, at all times and wherever I may be, by way of thanksgiving for Your benefits, for the love of Your Holy Name, and for the honour of Your Holy Cross.

Grant to me also that, with holy John the Apostle, I may love You with a pure heart and a pure body; that I may specially venerate holy Mary your Mother who was entrusted to his care; that I may gladly hear and read his holy Gospel; that I may keep it ever in my heart; and that I may rest, as it were, upon Your Breast, caring nought for the things of this world, and gazing upon the secret things of Heaven, even as he did in the Apocalypse.

Be merciful to me, O Lord, and keep me, under the protection of blessed James the Apostle, from all the sins which beset me. Strengthen me in all virtuous and godly living, that I may be able to resist the snares of the devil whether they come to me by way of things pleasant, or of things disgusting; for to You and to Your holy Angels they are all most hateful and displeasing. Grant me also grace to root out all pride of intellect; to curb my longings for dainty food; to be watchful over the door of my heart, of my lips, and of my other senses. Give me grace, O Son of God, to drink with the sons of Zebedee the chalice of Your Passion, for the remission of all my sins, and with them and with all Your Saints to sup with You in the Kingdom of Heaven. Amen.